Mr Pie is Dealt With
by SnowGlobeQueen
Summary: When creepy pedo teacher's strike, Loki and Natasha strike right back. Deleted scene from my story "To Have and To Hold", but kinda works as a stand alone.


**A note from the author: Hi! Welcome to my one shot, which is sort of a deleted scene from my story "To Have and To Hold". **

**For my regular readers, make sure you read Chapter 39 of THaTH before reading this. Chronologically, this takes place first, but I think Chapter 39 is funnier if you read it without having this. So... yeah.**

**This one shot might make sense without reading the main story, but in case it doesn't and you still want to read it without reading THaTH a brief recap: Loki has a friend named Linn, who is in high school. A teacher groped her and now Loki's gonna kick his butt. That's pretty much all you need to know except for the fact that Loki in my story is married to a Midgardian named Maisy.**

**This is random, but if you feel like listening to music while reading this, I was listening to "bad guy" by Billie Eilish. Not that the words really match the story, but the general vibe of it felt like it went. I had fun with it anyway. :)**

**Enjoy!**

"Do you think we are overreacting?" Loki mused.

"What makes you say that?" Natasha asked as she pulled on her jacket.

"Well," he shrugged, "I tend to overreact to things. Maisy says I am 'extra'. I wasn't sure if this would fall under being too extra or not."

"We aren't killing him or anything. Just a few injuries that can be healed with a bit of physical therapy," she looked him over, "Do your magic thing and wear something more… low key."

"My dear Romanoff, being who I am, everything I wear is Loki."

"You know what I meant. Wear something like what I have on. You aren't new to stealth so stop acting like an idiot."

"Something like what you are wearing, hmm?" He blinked and changed his appearance to mirror hers, "Like this?"

"Wow," she deadpanned, "For the first time since I've met you I can understand why someone might find you attractive."

He frowned and changed back to himself. He changed his green leather out for black pants, a black shirt, and a black leather jacket. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he spread his arms wide.

"Sneaky enough for you?"

"Yeah, but your shoe is untied."

He looked down reflexively before realizing that his boots did not have laces. When he looked back at Romanoff, she was smiling slightly and striding away.

Loki was silent as they rode the elevator down to the garage. Conversation with the Widow usually came easily, but that was because they were usually arguing or one upping each other. It was decidedly harder to think of things to say when she was his ally.

Once in the garage, Romanoff headed straight for a sleek black car with a logo of interlocking rings on the grill. She unlocked it and climbed into the driver's seat. Loki slid in beside her and couldn't help a roll of his eyes when he saw a red hourglass symbol on the steering wheel. The Avengers did like their symbols. Of course, he wasn't really one to talk.

"Seatbelt," the Widow said.

"I don't need it."

She started the car, hit the gas, and then hit the brakes. Loki jolted forward and had to brace himself on the dash to keep his face from hitting the windshield. He glared at her and fastened his seatbelt.

"Thank you," she said sweetly. The car roared out of the garage and zoomed into the street so fast that Loki doubted Romanoff had ever heard of looking both ways. A car honked at them, but the Widow did not slow down. Loki wasn't sure how she knew where they were going, but she did not hesitate in any turn they made or any stop light they ran.

"Where did you learn how to drive?" Loki asked, trying not to wince as they skidded out of the way of oncoming traffic.

"Russia."

"Remind me never to visit if all of the drivers are as bad as you."

"For your information, I am a great driver," she hit the gas as they rounded a corner and Loki was sure the car would fall over, "I just prefer to have some fun with it."

"Would we call this fun?"

"Oh what's the matter? Is the indestructible conqueror of worlds afraid of a little car crash?"

"Just because I am not easily injured does not mean I don't feel pain," he watched the city lights blur through the windows, "And besides — gah! Norns!"

She laughed as she slammed on the brakes in front of an apartment building.

"Besides what?"

"Besides," Loki glared at her, "If we crash and you die I'll get the blame for it."

"Then I guess you'd better hope I don't die," she smiled briefly and then got out of the car. Once she was out she stretched and cracked her neck. Loki climbed out of the vehicle, seriously considering walking on the way home, and fell into step beside the redhead.

Fixing their sights on the building, they briefly discussed what their plan was and then went for the door buzzer. Loki changed his voice to sound like their target and told the next door neighbor that he had forgotten his keys. The kindly old neighbor buzzed them in and they made their way to the apartment that had been listed next to Jed Pie's name.

Black Widow knocked and stood in front of the peephole, Loki just out of sight to the side of the door. When Mr. Pie opened the door he straightened his hair and smiled at Romanoff, looking somewhat confused.

"Can I help you?"

"Jed?" Romanoff fluttered her eyelashes at him, "Jed Pie?"

"That's me, who are you?"

She giggled and Pie grinned.

"I'm Tasha, how do you do?"

"Oh very well, what can I help you with Tasha?"

"I was just in the area and a friend of a friend told me about you and thought we might get along really well," she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Is that so? What friend?" he had a hungry look in his eye as he took in Romanoff's appearance, "Is it too bold of me to say that I think you might be my type?"

"Not at all," she winked and then moved closer, lowering her voice, "But I know that's a lie."

"What?"

"We both know you prefer to prey on high school kids, don't we?"

"What? What are you talking about?" He laughed nervously.

"You know what I'm talking about," she didn't stop smiling, still playing her part, "It's alright."

Seeing her charming grin, Pie chuckled nervously.

"I mean, it's only happened a few times… I'm careful with my students. What would people think if we were caught, y'know? Not everyone is so open minded—gack!"

Loki had reached around the doorframe and grabbed the man by his throat. They walked him back into his apartment and closed the door behind them.

"See, I told you it had happened more than once," Romanoff said, "I didn't think he'd confess so quickly, but I guess he isn't the brightest."

"Are you cops?!" Pie wheezed when Loki set him down.

"Oh no, I am afraid we are much worse than that."

"I've never actually done anything with a student!" Pie exclaimed, "Never! Nothing beyond meeting for coffee or dinner or something! What's wrong with that?"

"We know for a fact that you've touched at least one student inappropriately," Romanoff crossed her arms, "Our friend."

Loki shifted into the disguise he'd worn when visiting the school Mr. Pie worked at and the teacher took a moment to recognize him. When he did his hand flew to his throat nervously.

"Mr. Arrington!"

"Remember how I mentioned I'm staying at Stark Tower?" Loki gestured to Romanoff, "You might have heard of the Black Widow."

Pie swore loudly and scrambled backward.

"Regardless of what you've done or haven't done to other students, we are pissed about what you did to Linn," Romanoff examined her nails and then slipped on some gloves to keep from leaving fingerprints, "But consider this punishment for every time you touched a kid."

"Shall we get started?" Loki asked with a smile.

"Would you like the first swing at him?"

"I would not take the honor from you, Romanoff."

"You're sure?"

"Please," Loki gestured to the ex-teacher and the man wet his pants.

They took turns pummeling him and when all four of his limbs had snapped, they called an ambulance. Before they left the apartment Loki smiled at Pie and held a finger to his lips.

"This is our secret, hmm? If anyone asks, you were attacked randomly. Or… you could tell them why you were targeted if you want, but leave our names and descriptions of our faces out of this. Or we'll be back."

Pie nodded quickly and Loki and Romanoff took their leave.

"Might I drive us back to the tower?"

"Hell no," Romanoff said, unlocking the car, "You don't even have a driver's license."

"I have been driving vehicles across the galaxy since before you were born. It can't be that hard."

"You aren't insured," she got into the driver's seat and Loki reluctantly returned to his passenger position. He hoped the Norns would let him survive another ride with the Black Widow.

When they whipped back onto the street he clenched his jaw.

"Honestly, we should have just let Pie take a ride with you and he would have been sufficiently tortured."

Laughing, Romanoff hit the gas and drove them back to the tower.

* * *

Sneaking into his room at Stark Tower, Loki did his best to be quiet and keep from waking Maisy. Her form didn't stir in the bed, which he took to be a good sign until the lights flicked on. He froze and looked to his left.

"My goodness, what are you doing up so late?" He asked his wife.

"Did you guys kill him?"

"Kill someone? Why would I kill someone? No one was killed! I was just getting a midnight snack."

Maisy nodded.

"I'm glad you didn't kill him, but I hope you roughed him up good."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Loki smirked, "You know me, I wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"Alright Mr. Liar," she rolled her eyes, "Let's go to bed. You must be tired after being so nice to flies."

They nestled into their bed and Loki couldn't help a dark chuckle as they pulled the covers up.

"What?" Maisy asked.

"It was just good to have a bit of fun. Perhaps playing superhero is a better role than I thought."


End file.
